Less Proving… Less Pushing… These are the words the Holy Spirit has been whispering in my ear over the last decade. Most recently, they have become audible. Not because it was a supernatural act of God, rather it was God speaking through others. Let’s be honest, who kidding who. “The very thing that makes you you, that makes you great, that makes you different from everyone else is also the thing that, unchecked, will ruin you.” These are the words from a book I recently began reading–Present over Perfect by Shauna Niequist.
For me it has always been passion and drive. Two God-given gifts that when used in sync with the will of the Father yield fruit I can be proud of. But when left unchecked produce exhaustion and the inability to enjoy the present. But I’m drawling a line in the sand: Literally!
The beach has always been a favorite spot for our family. A Sabbath from the normal routines of life. A time to let the stress and heavy burdens of life float away. Waves of grace washing over you–and at times catching you by surprise. And when I get there, I am drawing a line in the sand.
If you are like me, you have to get to a breaking point before you are ready to change. The point when you can bear it no more–even if it means enduring an overhaul. My overhaul entails separating what I dofrom who I am. No matter how many times I tell myself to live in the present…to trust and be still…I find myself falling back into old patterns of what’s next or what should be. But the more I travel along the journey the stronger the conviction becomes: who I am does not need pushing or proofing.
What I do does not proof who I am. There are many times along that journey that I have wished to be further along in understanding who I am–forgiven and free. Somewhere along the way I lost my footing. I bought into the lie that I had to push or prove what is already true and what I knew deep down inside.
But the feelings of exhaustion have finally broken this passionate and driven follower of Jesus. I’m shouting…enough is enough! I’m drawing a line in the sand. I’m choosing the present reality over perfect pursuits. I’m giving myself permission to “be” and not to “do.” Not because I’m giving up all that God has for me and others in the future, but because I now understand that I don’t have to push or prove it into existence.